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*sigh* Once again, finances bring me to this point...

...before the bad news, though, some good. Everything is top-top in Modesto, as I find myself more in love with GothyLox each day. We spent an amazing weekend reliving our pasts. Saturday was spent walking up and down Haight Street, spending some time in Amoeba Music, and getting lost in Golden Gate Park at night. Just like my three-month homeless self-exile back in my teen days. Sunday, we headed up to Knight's Ferry, where she used to spend some of her days. It was beautiful, and we took plenty of pictures of both days. Those should be up soon.

Also, an apology to my Hayward constituents for bailing out on hanging out for the weekend. It was tough to get a hold of some of you, and with what transpired for a pair of my friends, I couldn't impose a visit at this time. My condolences to James and Tim for their losses, and I hope that they could find some solace with their reimbursements. Crazy-ass world we live in.

In any case, the bad news. I seem to be in another financial issue. I know, I know, I sound like a broken record, but this time, it's not as bad as it was before. I'm not in the red, but I'm getting close. Unlike last time, I'm not asking for a hand-out, and I still intend to pay back those that donated to my last financial crisis. This time, all I'm asking for is some sound advice.

I need to get some money and soon. Not a lot, just enough to tide me over until my next - and possibly last - unemployment check comes in. I could possibly sell some things on Craig's List, like I did with my Magic cards not too long ago, but I'm having a hard time finding things to sell. I have a PC copy of Left 4 Dead my laptop couldn't handle, I could possibly put up my PS2 and my game collection, or even my laptop. Thing is, the computer's seen better days, and is a bit on the worn-in side, and with everyone moving on to PS3s, I don't think anyone wants my 2. I have some Yu-Gi-Oh cards, but I kind of promised those to Jonathan.

There's also a day-labor place nearby I could work for for a while until I find something permanent, but the way the economy is, there's no guarantee I could even get anything there. Maybe I'm being too negative about all of this. I know I'm not completely on my last legs, but I just feel like I am, since I have my baby girl and my boy to take care of. As I said, this isn't a request for money, I just need some sound advice from some of my close friends.

-John
 
 
 
 
 
 
 Okay, so some people may have noticed my lack of being online in any large capacity. Well, there is a reason, and I love every second of that reason.
 
One day, I recieved a comment on my VampireFreaks page fro a girl named GothyLox. She didn't live too far from me - Modesto, actually, about 30 minutes drive south of Stockton - and she seemed to be into the same things I was. The same music, the same sense of humor, the same ideals. We decided to hang out one day, which ended up being a date, which quickly became John and his new girlfriend, Elizabeth.
 
Liz is the first girl that I feel like I don't have to be ashamed about being myself around. A big fan of HIM, Cradle of Filth and Scars on Broadway, she doesn't force me to change channels or stop listening to my favorite bands. She doesn't judge my over-abundance of gaming. In fact, she joins in when it comes to Guitar Hero & Rock Band. She doesn't even mind my fading-but-existant WWE interest.
 
It's a two-way street, though. Sometimes, things are tough in both of our lives, but then we just have a moment of talking and everything seems less complicated. I never knew that a relationship could be this strong so quickly. I completly take back the bad posts I have made in the past about love being bullshit. I can see now that that was from a cynical, jealous heart that yearned to be loved. 
 
...yeah, that sounded a bit gay, I know.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Everything's okay.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 I've come to a realization: I'm not a happy person.
 
Not to say that I'm angry, though I am definitely a very rage-spitting person. If anyone on VF sees me in the Gamers room, they know if an "Emo", "Scene", or just stupidity - like "y u gaiz no takl bout gamez?" - they'll get a verbal butt-fucking by me. Yes, i have rage, but this isn't what this post is about. No, this is about depression.
 
Not the wrist-slitting, kill myself to Linkin Park depression, but the depression where I realize I'm almost 30, and I have a LOT of negatives in my life: I'm fat. 
 
Really fat. Not my body, but specifically, my stomach. Everything else is fine, but I have a beergut going on, and I don't even drink all that often. 
 
I'm unemployed because my job is seasonal, since it's at a school. I collect unemployment, but it's not even enough for groceries per week. When I had the job, things were great. Now, I'm scared every day I wake up.
 
I'm alone. I feel isolated with the world, since I'm 60 miles from my friends, my best friend out here is up north saving the trees, and I have zero prospects for women on the horizon. I think I'm done with love, honestly. 28 and single with a son. Not exactly a hot-sounding guy.
 
I don't know why I feel so down, but I do. Maybe I need to detach myself from everything I know. Diablo II, Yahoo RP, VF chats, everything. Just be completely alone for a while and figure out what I need to do for the future, because at my age, the future is right now.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 Oka, okay, okay, okay. I know I’ve been slacking on updating my shit, but I have perfectly good reasons…Well, they’re good in MY eyes, fuck you.
 
The MAIN reason that’s preoccupying my time is a little social network called VampireFreaks. Well, really, it’s a subculture site, I think I’ll get curb stomped by saying “social network” and lumping it with FaceBook, MySpace, Twitter, blahdeblahdeblah. In any case, I decided to make an account - lost my last one ages ago - and decided to just bum around. Looking at their chat app, I noticed there was a Gamers room. Naturally, I went in, and holy fuck.
 
It’s a room FULL of people like me. Not just gamers, but smart-mouthed, socially-competent but idiot-rejecting gamers. It’s like my vision of a true social gathering. The first three people I met - Sarai, Tawnie, and Chelsea - were pretty hostile to me in the beginning, but after some musical mutuality and some decent gamer talk, they saw I wasn’t one of the typical VF trolls. Now, I have a nice, small group of close friends, which include the three, but also Shadow, Sage, DJ, about three Matts, Kai, CC, Dirt, the list goes on. LUV YU FGGTZ! <333333
 
Another thing that’s been keeping me away? Diablo II. After a run-in with Dungeon Siege - Thank you, Tawnie, by the way - it got me wanting to play my favorite game for 6 years, since DS is a LOT like Diablo. Same medieval feel, same sort of inventory setup, same blocks of needless grinding, but  I’m a lot more familiar with D2’s 2-D ¾-view aesthetic. I’m back on the USWest realm, having sold and still selling a lot of my East gear on a Diablo Forum for their form of currency, so I can buy West items. Hit me up if you still play. USWest Realm: *the_wicked
 
On a personal front, being unemployed sucks dick, but at least I have lots of free time for the former two subjects. At least I’m getting some unemployment cash. It’s not a lot to go out to Hayward anytime soon, so I may not be able to visit before I head back to work, but I’ll try, you guys. Also, I’m still debating my WoW trial. All depends if I can pull myself from VF long enough to install it.
 
Until next time (hopefully not as long as this time)
-J
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 So, before anyone hears rumors, yes. I deppthroated a banana.
 
Let me explain...
 
I was in Hayward at James' apartment, and the ten of us - Me, James, Jason, Ben, Amanda, Dan, Tim, another John, Don, and Becca - were about to play an insane game called Apples to Apples. Personally, I thought it was going to be some sort of passing-apples-by-mouth game, but instead, it was a sweetass cardgame. After round one, we decided to take a break. 
 
Having taken three doubleshots of Jagermeister, I decided to take a fourth. However, it wasn't getting me as drunk as it should've. Well, at least as drunk as the previous night, which five doubleshots of Jager caused me to pass out on the balcony. Jason told me about something called 99 Bananas, a 99 proof alcohol that tasted like bananas and rubbing alcohol. However, it did get me pleasantly fucked up.
 
I'm going off on a tangent. Well, I decided to have an actual banana to eat to, jokingly, have a perfect 100 bananas. However, being surrounded by my friends - who are all as equally perverse as I - wanted to see how much banana I could deepthroat. After some objection, I realized I could never get out of this, so I did. Surprisingly, if I ever needed to make extra money whoring myself, I could make some nice cash.
 
An odd story, but it does show how fun my weekend in Hayward was. Lots of gaming - Rock Band, Guitar Hero, MUGEN, Nintendo DSi - lots of drinking, lots of friends, lots of good eats - honestly, anyone in Fremont needs to go to Little Mad Fish, anyone in Hayward, The Green Tea - and just plain fun. The only downside was I didn't get the chance to have any guy-on-girl fun, but that's just one small, large complaint on a Bay Area trip where the only way it could've been funner is if we had some sort of rocketpacks.
 
I plan on taking another before I have to officially go back to work, though how much money I'll have for said trip might be slim to none. However, it was never about cash. I can have a thrill out there even if I didn't have two pennies to rub together for warmth. Hayward's about getting back to my roots, getting back to how things were back when we were all teenagers. Just...plain...fun.
 
-J
 
P.s.- i apologize to anyone I didn't get a chance to see, since my trip was cut a bit short. On my next one, I promise to contact a few more people and visit those I haven't seen since I got back from Indiana. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Well, I don't want to claim anything, since the last time I did, it failed horribly, but I do believe that I'm heading to Hayward on Friday. For much longer than I though I'd be, as well.

I have a lot of plans for this Hayward trip. I need to meet up with a couple of connections about future prospects, need to get ahold of old friends, I'm bringing a bottle of Jager with me, I'm hoping to break this year-plus dry spell, and I'm even having plans on staying the night at places that aren't James' or Jason's. Odd, I know, since those two - along with Ben - are really the reason I come down to the Bay. However, I have a feeling this visit is going to be like no other.

I need this trip, too. I've been having a few problems with my online escapism, as of late. Some long distance friends and contacts are beginning to strain a lot, and I think I need to re-connect to the local and who my true friends are. 

In any case, I have to start getting ready. I'm not sure what I'm completely bringing, but judging by my recent frequency of updates, don't be surprised if I update while I'm there. Take care, all, and see you soon, Bay Area.

-J
 
 
 
 
 
 
 A lot has been going on lately, so I'll give a brief rundown.
 
First off, I have to sadly say that the ZapsZone birthday extrrrrrrrravaganza has been canceled. Lack of funding'll do that. However, there is a VERY good chance - about 95% - that I shall be in Hayward in about two days for the entire weekend. This'll give me a good opportunity to hang out with some friends, share in the party atmosphere, maybe even snatch a kiss or two - at least, I'm hoping - from some lovely lady. At this point, ANY lovely lady.
 
Again, short notice, which is kind of how I roll, but I would like to iron out details with the Hayward guys. Sadly, my phone had completely taken a shit all over itself, so I lost all of my old contact numbers. So, this is probably the best - and right now, only - way I can get ahold of anybody. MySpace, LiveJournal, FaceBook, everyone knows how to get my attention.
 
Now, as far as current affairs go, not too much has changed with me. I did pick up a new toy called DDR X for the PS2, but really, without any sort of PARANOiA on it, it's just not the same. I did, however, win a SmackDown vs Raw 2009 tournament at the library, so that's a .
 
Well, time to head out and begin preparations for Days in the Bay. Hope it ends up more exciting than last time. I mean, I'm gonna be 28, I ain't getting any fucking younger here.
 
-J
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Taken from my MySpace Journal:

I know, how odd.

I wanted to follow up my last posting, because I had a very intense conversation with an ex-girlfriend about the last post. I won't divulge who it wa, but you know who you are. *eyes narrow some*. Anyway, I feel I should elaborate on something.

I have mentioned what makes relationships horrible - the cheating, mainly, since nearly every single girlfriend I've ever had has done so at one point, usually the last thing before break-up. She argued that, since I always bitch about the negatives on relationships and women, how come I never mention the positives. Well, she had me there, I never really do talk positive about the subject, so let's get rolling.

I think the best way to tackle this subject would be to list what I look for in relationships, specifically women. This list has definitely change and evolved over the years, so many people who know me would definitely not see some of my past ex-es on the list. However, there's a reason, because being them caused the list to change to exclude someone like them. In any case, here we go.

1- Metal. Odd that a self-professed nerd like myself would choose music over everything else, but I feel that music is actually a gateway to a person's soul. What a person listens to is the perfect way to seeing how a person lives personally.

2- Videogames. See, it would pop up somewhere. I am a big gamer, and I think that I need to be with someone who also loves games. Or at the very least tolerates my playing, and has knowledge of either God of War, Guitar Hero, or JRPGs.

3- Free-spirit. I can't be with any more headcases, worried about plans and the future. I need someone who looks at the world with a "fuck-it-let's-have-fun-now" attitude, much like I seem to be developing as of late.

4- Nerdiness. See: Videogames, but also with some added extra, such as anime, card games, zombie movies, tech, and RPing on Yahoo (For those who are unclear about this last bit, I'll explain in a future post).

5- Looks. She doesn't have to be a promqueen, of course, but - and this will sound shallow of me - I do need to have some attractiveness in my ladies. Whether it be the stems, the curves, the concaves, or the kissable lips, they need to turn me on.

6- The Decade Rule. I have a new rule on possible prospects. They need to be within 5 years younger or 5 years older than me. Anything younger or older is going to skew out of the first four pre-requisites, especially as the age gets older and out of the "kiddie" mentality.

7- Distance. I hate long-distance relationships. Fuck, Hayward is too far for me and that's just 60 miles. I need to physically be with the one I'm with. It's a connection that only physical contact could achieve.

8- Finally, Fidelity. It's an obvious requirement, but my heart's been stomped on too fucking much. I'm tired of high school bullshit. The next relationship I get into needs to be for keeps. No more fucking about.

So, there we are. A short list, and oddly enough, I know many women - numerous are on my Friends list right now - that fill out all but one or two requirements. One or two are forgivable, but that's about the extent of my dream woman. In any case, are you happy now, Miss Complaining? Do you fit in these 8 criteria? No, well shut up then. Still like ya, though. ;P

-J

 
 
 
 
 
 

From MySpace journal: 

Okay. Let's start off with a positive message. If you are in love, please. go to your love now, hold their hands, look deep into their eyes, take a trip to your local airport, take a flight to San Francisco, California, and jump out and get fucking impaled cock- or cunt-first on the Transamerica Pyramid.


I hate love and everyone in it. Fuck you all.

...perhaps I should elaborate.

I'll be the first to admit that I've fucked up a lot in life and love. I've had many an ex that have been run off by my own stupidity, a couple on their own accord, but I will admit, I'm not exactly Mr. Perfect. I have a couple of ex-girlfriend on this very Friends List right now that one could talk to about it.

I've been single for well over a year, and for about ten months, I've been fine with it. Sure, I'm lonely sometimes and I miss on compassion and sex, but I also don't have to deal with misunderstandings and bullshit. Recently, however, I've been noticing spring love in the air, and I can't find a gasmask big enough to keep it out. Everyone I know - EVERYONE - is either dating seriously, engaged, or married. I've only been gone three years, and the entire world fucking passed me by. I'm all alone in this fucking city, and it sucks so much cock, I may as well call it Daniel. (Couldn't resist, man. ;P)

In any case, these feelings aren't cemented, and if I do find someone to love and cherish, I am fully willing to rescind everything I just said. For now, Cupid can take his arrow and buttfuck himself with the impaler side.

One final note, the reason I haven't been updating has been an eerie addiction to Samurai Warriors (and SW: Xtreme Legends) for the PS2. I've been neglecting PokeMon Emerald, my Guitar Hero duties, fuck, even City of Heroes - which is now being paid to do nothing - while I play SW. Someone please help me get my sanity back and stop me playing this uber-fun game.

That, or send a copy of Dynasty Warriors: Gundam my way. :D

-J