I've come to a realization: I'm not a happy person.
Not to say that I'm angry, though I am definitely a very rage-spitting person. If anyone on VF sees me in the Gamers room, they know if an "Emo", "Scene", or just stupidity - like "y u gaiz no takl bout gamez?" - they'll get a verbal butt-fucking by me. Yes, i have rage, but this isn't what this post is about. No, this is about depression.
Not the wrist-slitting, kill myself to Linkin Park depression, but the depression where I realize I'm almost 30, and I have a LOT of negatives in my life: I'm fat.
Really fat. Not my body, but specifically, my stomach. Everything else is fine, but I have a beergut going on, and I don't even drink all that often.
I'm unemployed because my job is seasonal, since it's at a school. I collect unemployment, but it's not even enough for groceries per week. When I had the job, things were great. Now, I'm scared every day I wake up.
I'm alone. I feel isolated with the world, since I'm 60 miles from my friends, my best friend out here is up north saving the trees, and I have zero prospects for women on the horizon. I think I'm done with love, honestly. 28 and single with a son. Not exactly a hot-sounding guy.
I don't know why I feel so down, but I do. Maybe I need to detach myself from everything I know. Diablo II, Yahoo RP, VF chats, everything. Just be completely alone for a while and figure out what I need to do for the future, because at my age, the future is right now.